Even if you are a natural risk taker, is this a risk worth taking? Are you willing to, literally, lose it all? No matter what your physical chemistry might be saying , it's important to step outside the scenario and see it clearly. Once you sleep with your best friend, you're heading down a road with no U-turn. It's far easier to spot red flags early on in a relationship with someone who isn't your best friend.
With our best friends, we tend to make allowances for them and let them get away with things that, no way in hell, we'd let others get away with when it comes to dating us. Because of this, you won't see the glaring red flags.
While you might be able to dismiss this by telling yourself that you know everything you need to know about your best friend now partner, there's a distinction that needs to be made: being just friends and dating someone reveals different sides of people. You may know your best friend like the back of your hand, but you don't know what it's like to date your best friend. When I first started sleeping with my best friend, before we "officially" started dating, my therapist would tell me over and over again that you're not supposed to know what your best friend looks like or sounds like when they orgasm.
She definitely had a point there. Also, the flip side of that is that you may not want the person you're dating to know the details your best friend knows. They know who you may have had an affair with.
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They know all your deepest, darkest secrets. This is a tough premise on which to build a romance. I mean, does anyone want to start a relationship already knowing everything there is to know about their partner? Wouldn't a little mystery do a new relationship good? Granted, you'll get to see another side of your best friend, like how they are as a partner, but there's still so much that's already been discovered and it's that fact that's worth considering.
I'm currently in a non-relationship with a friend, who's technically a friend with benefits with whom I've fallen in love. Like that isn't a disaster waiting to happen or anything. But, in addition to knowing that we've created one hell of a mess, I also know that our compatibility as partners versus our compatibility as friends are in completely different stratospheres.
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For the most part, he is not the type of person I would ever want to seriously date and I'm pretty sure he'd say the same thing about me — despite the mass amount of sexual chemistry between the two of us. However, sometimes when you start dating your best friend, you assume the friendship compatibility will automatically cross over to the partner compatibility, but that's not always the case — if ever the case. Basically, you think you're getting the real deal, but you just might be getting what your best friend wants you to see in the moment. The problem with that is that no one can keep up a charade forever.
When you're dating your best friend, exactly to whom are you supposed to turn when the person you're dating is being a schmuck or giving you a hard time? It's going to be really awkward to confide in your now-partner about all the things you'd confide in a best friend.
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So now what? Seriously; on whose shoulder do you cry and whose phone do you blow up with texts of complaints and disbelief? Definitely not your best friend, because they're no longer just your best friend! While you may have other friends to whom you can turn, no one is quite like your best friend.
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That's just basic math. I hate that we live in different places and have to settle for a more distant kind of love. You are on my mind when I take my first bite of pizza and think of how we used to get a large and shamelessly eat every bite.
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And how wonderful it is to have someone who, no matter the distance, no matter the time apart, no matter how far we are physically from one another, will never stop being my best friend. I love you. And that means more than the miles between us. That means more than how far or how long. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time.
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By Marisa Donnelly Updated June 24, Paolo Raeli. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway , a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming. You are the only one who decides how it goes. More From Thought Catalog.